I HAVE got to do something about the size of my ass. I'm unhappy with the way that I look and it is affecting every part of my life.. I don't like getting dressed because I hate the way my clothes look. I hate looking in the mirror so I avoid it as much as possible. I'm short so I can hide most of myself behind the counter in the bathroom so I can just focus on my face and hair when I'm getting ready. I can't stand how I jiggle when I move so that makes short shorts out of the question, even in the 100# degree heat of south Texas. And swimwear? Talk about nightmare, My swimsuit is a two piece so I can make sure it doesn't look too tight. This is fine when I'm in the water, but as soon as it gets wet it clings...bad news bears! If I can't stand to look at that, why should I be okay with anyone else seeing me that way? I worry about my health, I don't want to be a diabetic like so many hispanics I see. I really don't want to take hypertension meds and have joint problems and everything else that goes with being fat. I also really, really, really don't want to *HAVE* to resort to bariatric surgeryAnd one of the biggest issues, how can I let my boyfriend get close to me? How can I be comfortable with him touching me, looking at me? I know he loves me, and he makes sure to tell me regularly that he loves me no matter how I look. He says I'm beautiful and that I look hot in lingerie...I just can't see it. I have tried (over and over and over) to lose weight before, even succeeded for a while last year, but I always fall back into my old habits and the weight creeps back up. So, that said, something must be done.
That something is one of the scariest things I've ever done. I'm not sure how many people will even see this post, and I must admit that I would be okay if it stays in the hidden depths of internet obscurity forever. So, even with the chance that it may not, here I am. I am posting my "almost-before" pictures. I am so ashamed of these pictures and these are after I have already lost a little over 20lbs last year. I have another 60lbs to go, at least.
So the plan now: I started the Insanity Challenge today. My fit test went well and I hope I'm ready for the real workouts that start tomorrow. I want to get a gym membership, but I'm worried about the added expense to our already very strained bank accounts. I'm also counting calories with an app for my iPhone called My Fitness Pal Calorie Counter. I've used others in the past and I really liked them, but this one is pretty great so far. I have real life friends who use it so I'm hoping that will help keep me more accountable since I know the face on the other side of the computer screen. Plan in a nutshell: eat less, work out 6 days a week, post a progress pic every 4 weeks. The end goal: lose 60lbs. My current short term goal: fit, comfortably, in my size 10 dress jeans. So, here I go!
No comments:
Post a Comment